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NYCFC... "The Song Sheets Suck But The Blue Smoke Is Pretty Cool"

By Luca Morganti

We are privileged to play the defending supporters shield champions Seattle Sounders. American hero Clint Dempsey and Nigerian Obafemi Martins must be excited to see us on the schedule. Seattle is a great example of where MLS’ salary cap and three designated players can work. It is a much more affordable place to live than say, New York. And Bill Gates is sponsoring the Sounders through XBOX. Maybe he has them over for lunch to compensate for the shit pay.

Two things in MLS news this week are the salary cap (only increased 12% to $3.9m) and our lame song sheets. The cap and song sheets flat out suck, but they lead back to commissioner Don Garber. He has this weird vision to keep the league in neutral, and he gets pissed when we curse. New Jersey Energy Drink fans have experienced this for their pre-goal kick chant, and NYCFC fans on the opposite side of the supporters’ clubs have brought in a homophobic slur popular in Mexico the last two weeks that we have tried to curb. It’s difficult when none of the fans were born into a club and culture. A little understanding, please.

Villa begins tonight on the bench, and I’m surprised by the flow we’ve created without him in the first twenty minutes. The problem remains finishing. It looks like when we finally reach the 18-yard line, the ball becomes a cannonball. We make these odd, slow rolling passes followed by attempts on net that get us nowhere. We look like shit. Fans look great, though!

Speaking of shit, a FIFA-styled lob to Obafemi Martins results in him pulling away like a thoroughbred to score, causing the 500 or so visiting Sounders fans to erupt in their foreign Northwest U.S. chanting.  My English friend and guest of the match has only lived here four months, and he is shocked by how sports crazed we are, especially now that he’s seen NYCFC in person twice. Your goddamn right, we are.

Anyway, back to this massacre. We’ve looked like the better team through the first half. I know that’s what fans say when their team sucks, so I’ve said it, as well. It does make me feel better. Villa is warming up. The 25,000-plus of us are very loud today, but particularly when we see him getting ready on the two-foot wide sideline.

Blue smoke for the goal! We’ve scored! It’s like losing our virginity! The smoke is actually pretty cool. We should get the entire stadium blue. Being a fan is the best part about this gig. Oh, nevermind! People are running away because security will come and throw the entire section out. What assholes. Can’t we have a little fun? Also can’t they use the million cameras in this place to find out what happened? Our budding rivalry with las securitas would be more interesting if they weren’t so stupid.

Ah, and just like that, Villa is being subbed on for Mehdi. Way to make an exit, kid. Why are we taking one of our three players who can score off for another? I don’t see the tactical superiority for us here.

American hero and GI Joe moonlighter Clint Dempsey scores! (2-1). Then Obafemi Martins puts another in the net to make it 3-1. Thankfully he was sick today! He would’ve walked away with a hat trick had he not had a cold!

Watching your domestic team lose to your country’s best player (which is sadly Dempsey this side of the pond) and a dude called Obafemi isn’t so bad. Maybe this is a piss poor man’s version of how Italians felt watching Del Piero score for Juve all those years. Or maybe it is a symptom of a league where the best players are mostly stopping for a final contract on their way to sunnier shores. Other symptoms may include embarrassingly cheesy song sheets (for all the 10 year olds in attendance), players whose injuries magically extend an extra two weeks, and disgruntled fans who can’t enjoy a blue smoke bomb when their team scores once every five hours of game time.

On to New Jersey next weekend to take on first place rivals New Jersey Red Bull in the first ever Hudson Derby. Beating them thrice would make the season. Don’t fuck it up!